Whingy and Magic Carp!

Uncle Whingy now with untrue fable for small people who listen for bed snoring preparation.

Once upon a porcupine live big magic carp. Beautifully magic carp look like Reynolds wrap, jalapeƱo, squash and leaky fountain of pen. Whingy prepare to Sumatra for civility service exam when magic carp come out of water and speak.

“How you go today?” carp inquest.

“Many thanks talking fish for conversation. I portend excursion to Sumatra for dream of government sponge job. Forgive me now while I extrude dinghy!”

“You may cross not South Chinesey Sea in flaccid dinghy vessel!” carp expunge. “Water too tall for Whingy dinghy!”

“Now what?” I ask enormous scaly acquaintance.

“I may transport you to Sumatra on dorsal if you complete favor.”

Talking carp tell Whingy to go see Buddha asking why carp cannot jump over Dragon Gate of Yellow River to become dragon of immortality, meanwhile outfoxing karma wheel.

“OK!” I agree to respond.

After fourteen day three night six afternoon I find Buddha housing beneath under bridge with poor scavenging for crustacean. I interrupt to announce: “I am Whingy Singh Chow-Stok Whang! In order for carp transportation to Sumatra I must question Buddha!”

“OK!” Buddha regurgitate.

“Carp cannot jump Dragon Gate of Yellow River to stop wheel of karma rotation with achievement into dragon of immortality! Now what?”

Buddha close one eye and suck on lime, spit out seed belching, “He too fat!”

Now possess knowledge of carp immobility on journey return to beach of happy sand for magic carp residence.

“O fishy, fishy, fishy, fish!” I call on beach to place of water.

“You!” carp protrude out of tide froth. “Buddha inquisition bear fruit?”

“I have solution of knowledge impediment! Buddha say you too fat for Dragon Gate jumping style. No more hot dogs!”

Gratefully appreciating carp request thank you by return advice wisdom to Whingy. “And you too stupid for Sumatra civility service sponge job!” fish shout and swim to where Whingy does not see.

Now, question for small story enthusiasts: Did fish go on macrobiotic diet and aerobicize to achieve immortality? Did Whingy surrender Sumatra job illusion?

Are you unconscious yet?

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved

No Wonder!

So old Chinesey man run away from Lost Angeless mental confinement palace and seek taxi cab steerage.

When after much arm wagging hot dog mustard color car stop, Chinesey man find into back seat and profuse:

“Hurry hurry! Drive to Kowloon! No letter from home residents for twenty year!”

“You must tug my leg sideways,” taxi pilot expunge. “Drive to Kowloon impossibility. Kowloon on other shore side of ocean water expanse!”

“Ah,” Chinesey man breathe when brain light explode, “No wonder they never write!”

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved

Pig Year

Now is Anglo-Saxonite new year but Whingy cerebrate Chinese Year of Pig. Large lard-laden porker touted as good luck by vegetarians but I proclaim pig is mostly unlucky in nation of bacon-eaters.

To make piggy truly lucky this year swine enthusiasts must stop eating pork ingredients now! But on other ham, Whingy worry for cows on the run from hungry carnivores who disdain pork dogs to chow down on moo meat for pig year.

(Whingy spend formative boyhood as Kowloon cowherd.)

What? You have no salad?

Enjoy leafy miracle of kale for successful digestion proceeds!

Hands off Porky!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved