Whingy Way Of Spoon!

Whingy is accidental Occidental master of
Spoon Healing!

Feeling low from accelerated triangulation of holiday persecutions? When acupressure cannot be productive, why not try Spoon Healing therapy?

Discovery come after lychee wine marathon induce Whingy to question purpose of existence. After stirring eighth cup of coffee next morning in quest to obstruct suicide, Whingy put spoon on side of nostril to balance wobbly head.

Overhang relief nearly instanspontaneous!

Whingy discover spoon pressure on nose side activate healing center in valley of intoxication. Soon, Whingy eating egg scrambles and making joke about bacon mustaches!

After many years expend, Whingy trial and error now reveal spoon pressure points for healing varieties in new book: “Whingy Way Of Spoon.” (Not in stores!)

Whingy soon to erect Center for Spoon Healing with drive-thru window in abandoned strip mall near you!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved

Whingy Unplug!

When Whingy ski down Enternet information slopes now see frequent women who enjoy life naked. But Whingy cannot beehive with pixels! Whingy need woman in clothing with personal flesh and refrigerator!

Whingy try Earpod that now make life like movie except personal movie life too boring for soundtrack excitement. Cannot decide on breakfeast cereal supermarket purchase with rapper ear blast pronouncements! On walk to Bigbucks coffee repository, cannot hear song of dump truck! Cannot hear blat of cowbird!

Whingy have portable telephonical device in pocket with skin rash radiation from crotch reception contamination. Hard talking on bus to bill collector. Frighten busgoers with screaming: “Leave Whingy alone! Whingy not have money, only credit! Paste it on plastic!” Talking many times allwhere not good. Run out of sayings! Run over street monkey!

What next?!? New Pork Philhogmonica Orchestra in shoe? Stock calculation figurings in pillow when sleep? Go to church in shower?

Whingy take nice walking with no batteries now hear music of life so sweet Whingy want no food or money for ten minute almost!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved

Whingy and Magic Carp!

Uncle Whingy now with untrue fable for small people who listen for bed snoring preparation.

Once upon a porcupine live big magic carp. Beautifully magic carp look like Reynolds wrap, jalapeƱo, squash and leaky fountain of pen. Whingy prepare to Sumatra for civility service exam when magic carp come out of water and speak.

“How you go today?” carp inquest.

“Many thanks talking fish for conversation. I portend excursion to Sumatra for dream of government sponge job. Forgive me now while I extrude dinghy!”

“You may cross not South Chinesey Sea in flaccid dinghy vessel!” carp expunge. “Water too tall for Whingy dinghy!”

“Now what?” I ask enormous scaly aquaintenance.

“I may transport you to Sumatra on dorsal if you complete favor.”

Talking carp tell Whingy to go see Buddha asking why carp cannot jump over Dragon Gate of Yellow River to become dragon of immortality, meanwhile outfoxing karma wheel.

“OK!” I agree to respond.

After fourteen day three night six afternoon I find Buddha housing beneath under bridge with poor scavenging for crustacean. I interrupt to announce: “I am Whingy Singh Chow-Stok Whang! In order for carp transportation to Sumatra I must question Buddha!”

“OK!” Buddha regurgitate.

“Carp cannot jump Dragon Gate of Yellow River to stop wheel of karma rotation with achievement into dragon of immortality! Now what?”

Buddha close one eye and suck on lime, spit out seed belching, “He too fat!”

Now possess knowledge of carp immobility on journey return to beach of happy sand for magic carp residence.

“O fishy, fishy, fishy, fish!” I call on beach to place of water.

“You!” carp protrude out of tide froth. “Buddha inquisition bear fruit?”

“I have solution of knowledge impediment! Buddha say you too fat for Dragon Gate jumping style. No more hot dogs!”

Gratefully appreciating carp request thank you by return advice wisdom to Whingy. “And you too stupid for Sumatra civility service sponge job!” fish shout and swim to where Whingy does not see.

Now, question for small story enthusiasts: Did fish go on macrobiotic diet and aerobicize to achieve immortality? Did Whingy surrender Sumatra job illusion?
Are you asleep yet!?!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved


Question: What rhyme with Whingy?

Response: Springy!

In Springy, Whingy reminded of Dinghy on which he float during dangerous early escapade of many days migration to Americaland in search of cheese.

Happy homeland devoid of pasture pasteurization and Whingy suspiciously skeptical of lingering listeriosis likelihood in counterfeit Camembert crossing countryside to village vendors.

But enough of happy dietetic paranoia reminiscences!

In Springy, Whingy like to walk outside and thank sun god Zhulong for opening eyes to melt snow, bringing coastline closer to Whingy hovel for increase of real estate investment potential.

Because Zhulong is snake with human head, Whingy implore:

“No need for personal meeting of gratitude so please remain lodged on mountain because Whingy have weak digestive resistance to giant snake with human head encounter.”

For happy thought processes I now revolve to ancient Chinese poet Tu Fu (No Tofu humor jest intent!) and his scribbling of happy imaginings birthed by Spring:
On a warm Spring night
I might write
Of unicorns
Or wing’s flutterings.
So I now thank to you Zhulong for Spring warming and thank to you Tu Fu for fluttering wing wordings and now Whingy will stop writing blog typings and Sing!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved