Whingy Way Of Spoon!

Whingy is accidental Occidental master of
Spoon Healing!

Feeling low from accelerated triangulation of holiday persecutions? When acupressure cannot be productive, why not try Spoon Healing therapy?

Discovery come after lychee wine marathon induce Whingy to question purpose of existence. After stirring eighth cup of coffee next morning in quest to obstruct suicide, Whingy put spoon on side of nostril to balance wobbly head.

Overhang relief nearly instanspontaneous!

Whingy discover spoon pressure on nose side activate healing center in valley of intoxication. Soon, Whingy eating egg scrambles and making joke about bacon mustaches!

After many years expend, Whingy trial and error now reveal spoon pressure points for healing varieties in new book: “Whingy Way Of Spoon.” (Not in stores!)

Whingy soon to erect Center for Spoon Healing with drive-thru window in abandoned strip mall near you!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved

Whingy Unplug!

When Whingy ski down Enternet information slopes now see frequent women who enjoy life naked. But Whingy cannot beehive with pixels! Whingy need woman in clothing with personal flesh and refrigerator!

Whingy try Earpod that now make life like movie except personal movie life too boring for soundtrack excitement. Cannot decide on breakfeast cereal supermarket purchase with rapper ear blast pronouncements! On walk to Bigbucks coffee repository, cannot hear song of dump truck! Cannot hear blat of cowbird!

Whingy have portable telephonical device in pocket with skin rash radiation from crotch reception contamination. Hard talking on bus to bill collector. Frighten busgoers with screaming: “Leave Whingy alone! Whingy not have money, only credit! Paste it on plastic!” Talking many times allwhere not good. Run out of sayings! Run over street monkey!

What next?!? New Pork Philhogmonica Orchestra in shoe? Stock calculation figurings in pillow when sleep? Go to church in shower?

Whingy take nice walking with no batteries now hear music of life so sweet Whingy want no food or money for ten minute almost!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved


Question: What rhyme with Whingy?

Response: Springy!

In Springy, Whingy reminded of Dinghy on which he float during dangerous early escapade of many days migration to Americaland in search of cheese.

Happy homeland devoid of pasture pasteurization and Whingy suspiciously skeptical of lingering listeriosis likelihood in counterfeit Camembert crossing countryside to village vendors.

But enough of happy dietetic paranoia reminiscences!

In Springy, Whingy like to walk outside and thank sun god Zhulong for opening eyes to melt snow, bringing coastline closer to Whingy hovel for increase of real estate investment potential.

Because Zhulong is snake with human head, Whingy implore:

“No need for personal meeting of gratitude so please remain lodged on mountain because Whingy have weak digestive resistance to giant snake with human head encounter.”

For happy thought processes I now revolve to ancient Chinese poet Tu Fu (No Tofu humor jest intent!) and his scribbling of happy imaginings birthed by Spring:
On a warm Spring night
I might write
Of unicorns
Or wing’s flutterings.
So I now thank to you Zhulong for Spring warming and thank to you Tu Fu for fluttering wing wordings and now Whingy will stop writing blog typings and Sing!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved