Advise and Torment!

Dear Presidental Bartok-Orama,

Every one who is not only any one but also some one wants advice from Whingy! So why not you? Are you too Cheney-shy for inquisition?

So as what young hip hops say here in South Calipornia:

“Like hopefully no problem guy, you know?”

I volunteer sacred tuba blat of wisdom for White House brain digestion after you run out of commander and chief bathroom briefing paper.

Bring heed now to advice numbers following!

1. Be annoying! No person likes a Mr. Goodbar Two Sandals! Americans know they are stupid, but you insult us with hope!

2. Do not disregard personal eating strategy for national health care placebo. A meal with no yak butter is like stork without fetus!

3. Nominate cow for national animal. No one can pet bald eagle! Baldy bird possess unpatriotic temper jihads. Whingy know this from personal zoo adventure!

Hamburglers endanger sacred cows for no long-life mooing! I cry tears of Holstein. Also besides whatever, eagle nuggets taste like chicken, only crunchy! *

4. What? Americanians have no Water Splashing Day? Whingy earn messydemeanor from water dousing on neighbor in wheelchair. Who is laughing now?

* Investment Premonition! Whingy’s Kentucky Fried Eagle! Franchiseships available for deep-fat enthusiasts. Summer carryout carrion offer-deal! Nose clip air detainers included! Hail to the chef!

Act now, Now!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
~ Kentucky Fried Eagle photo edit by Russ Allison Loar
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