Bon voyage flu enthusiasts!
Pig Virus more popular than
“Dancing With Stars,” so Whingy calling casting for new reality televirus,
“Dancing With Flu !”
Each episode now with weakened dancers coughing at opponents to lower personal immune resistances!
Whingy learn from American health placebo corruptorations finding cash from disease exploitation. Every virus cloud have lining of silver, gold and Visa. Cloud virus rain not dampen Whingy, for Whingy let disease be umbrella!
Also Whingy worry free because now possess immunity to Pig Virus importuned by personal cellulite invasion with Birdy Virus due to zoo encounter with American Eagle producing temper jihad at cage intrusion! Lucky Whingy still to have nose!
So, you demand advice for Pig Virus counter-espionage? Of course you do! Whingy is personal Zen Mixmaster whether you want Whangisms or don’t!
So stop talking already now! Hold nostrils and swallow!
1. EAT PORK!
Firsthandyman, pork consumption eases cow ingratitude, for madder cows someday make flu too if we eat them nonstop to London! Most important is how pork intake engage protection vaccine like Warp Nine on Star Trek!
2. BLOW OUT HARD!
For safety respiration, blow out carbon dioxidation hard, clearing intake airspace of germaphobings.
3. SEND WHINGY MONEYCASH!
As personal Zen Mixmaster, I blend you prayers of non-death for inspirationality cash.
4. PRETEND IN HEAD!
If you get sick anytime, do not let Pig Virus travel from intestinal blat to brain of head! Deny entrance to thought world and virus death comes by non-cognito!
Now, no more Mr. Nice Whingy! You must buy new book: “Whingy Way To Not Die For Long Time Or Money Back!”
OK!
Stop reading!
Go away already!
~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
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