Grasshopper Illusion!

Election conclusions remind Whingy of ancient proverb about grasshoppers on top of giant log hurrying fast down river toward waterfall.

Grasshoppers think they are steering!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved

Whangism #293

You can lead cow to water,
but pencil must be graphite!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved

Fungus Of Immortality

Whingy not generally favorable to mind-altering substance. Whingy mind altered already enough to engender daily psychedelic happenstance. Like how Whingy see assorted animal faces on people in supermarket revealing inner nature of shoppers.

For demonstration: Man with many tattoos who arrive on noise-polluting motorbicycle stare at me while I test eggplant for supple resilience. I look into tattoo man’s eyes and see French poodle dog face! What meaning? Perhaps dog face reveal inner lack of machismo for which motorbicycle man overcompensate?

Before Whingy come to Americaland he chew wild root with village friend to be awake all night, waiting to expect answer for why Whingy is alive. Answer did not arrive, but Whingy learn important facility of sleep before extended day of work at fish factory.

In Southern Calipornia Whingy meet many who enjoy changing brain structure to see sky clouds become purple kangaroos while pictures on wall sing national anthem and carpet get sticky like glue. Many everyday acquaintances smoke marywanto weed for enjoying irrelevant laughter at party festivities or attempting enjoyment of job while trapped in cubicle.

Whingy is oftentimes happy and without wanting medication for mood-altering euphoria. But Whingy still search for answer to why he is alive and assorted buffet of metaphysical ponderings. So Whingy eventually give in to promise of induced revelation and eat fungus of immortality to emulate Native American transportations to dwelling land of Great Spirit.

After nothing happen for indiscriminate time period, Whingy suddenly aware of small rock in apartment on shelf previously collected for pleasurable color and shape. Now Whingy realize that rock have story to tell. Then Whingy hear all inanimate objects in domicile calling loudly to tell their stories. So Whingy yell: “Shut up noble possessions! One at a time of my choosing!” Then Whingy pick up rock and hold to ear saying: “Proceed diminutive stone, tell me your story!”

Little rock say he was once mighty mountain with no conceptualizing of individuality. He was one and all. But lightning strike shatter part of mountain and he became boulder and separate from mountain existence. Then many millennia of rain and wind carve him into small rock and move him to my back yard. Little rock speak to me with tiny tremolo voice and say someday he will turn to dust and absorb into indivisible part of mighty mountain. But he cannot transform if Whingy keep him in bachelor pad! So Whingy apologize to little rock and return soon happy stone to back yard, digging hole deeply for him in which to hasten rebirth as mountain.

Then Whingy ask universe most important question: "Why Whingy is alive? Answer promptly! Why!"

Voice inside Whingy head space answer: “Individual Whingy was born a stone. Individual Whingy will die and return to mountain. Individual Whingy and all questions then disappear.”

After fungus of immortality effects dissipate, sleep-deprived Whingy go to International House of Pancakes and eat most delicious waffle breakfast with room temperature maple syrup and bacon. Most delicious!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved

Book Barbecue!

So, who need books anyway?

Bookstores close faster now than Toyotas with stopping exacerbations!

Whingy owe personal enlightenment to Lao Tzu’s elder brother, Wahoo Tzu, who scribe introduction to sutra commentary advising print readers to preempt examination of letter text with eyeballs and burn book.

Whingy follow Wahoo advice and become transmogrified! Now Whingy burn all books before reading for convenient dismissal of knowledge and barbecue seasoning.

Better than smoke of hickory!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved

Whingy In Love

Whingy blog enthusiasts always want to know about love life but reluctant to request data, so pay attention! I tell you now!

Whingy have girlfriend named Pa-Chi Phogg who is tall but not too tall so she can look up to Whingy with admiration for his extra inches of altitude.

Pa-Chi is weathercastress at diminutive public television station in Orange County, Calipornia. Whingy fall in love when first see her on PBS, which is Whingy’s favorite variety of BS. Whingy find the P type of BS most annoying and useful for emptying domicile of houseguests!

After Whingy successfully remove domestic interlopers one evening, he see Pa-Chi appear on television screen. She was not prepared sufficiently. So when big weather map start swirling she smile with trepidation, point to coastline and say: “Look OC residents! More weather coming to you! What do you care what kind of weather it is anyway? You are rich! You are not picking vegetables. You even have air conditioning ventricles in back seat of Mercedes. So have a nice day!”

Whingy realize Pa-Chi was mate of soul and so instigated introduction at PBS telephone money-requesting festival. Now Whingy and Pa-Chi date with regularity and postulate combining furniture in single location.

For Whingy and Pa-Chi, weather is now always sunny—even when wet!

~ Whingy Illustration by Henrik Drescher
© All Rights Reserved